Tips for Explaining and Introducing Pronouns

Source: Freepik

It’s officially been a year since my Get To Know You sheet went viral. I wanted to offer the following reflection/advice since I’ve learned a lot and am constantly growing in my understanding of how to create inclusive classroom spaces.

As with many things, the first time something is introduced doesn’t always go smoothly. A big reflection point for me is the first time I introduced the Get To Know You sheet (linked here). The name section was straightforward, but when it came to the pronouns, so many students were confused. Almost all of them had never been asked for their pronouns before, so they had no idea how to answer the question. Some wrote inauthentic answers like “my pronouns are brick,” which was not helpful for me or them, and caused harm for any transgender students. I had to backtrack and explain what I meant by the question as well as why joke answers were not okay. So, definitely room for improvement.

The second year, I explained what I meant when I asked for their pronouns. This went slightly better, but I still had cisgender students asking why I bothered. Why did I care what their pronouns were? I realized in order to normalize the practice of asking for pronouns, students needed to understand why we should ask for them in the first place.

I finally felt like I got it right the third year (last year). When asking for pronouns, students should understand what we are asking for and why we are asking for them. Here is a brief script that I currently use with all my middle school classes to help make this super clear:

My name is Mx. Schwarz, and my pronouns are they/them/theirs. This means that you would replace my name with the pronoun "they". For example, instead of saying "Mx. Schwarz is a science teacher," you'd say "They are a science teacher." We can't know someone's pronouns based on their name or appearance, so it's important to ask. In this class, we respect everyone, and that includes not making assumptions about each other. I want to honor your pronouns and not make assumptions about which ones you use based on your name and appearance, which is why I'm asking for them.

Students (and parents) tend to assume that when we ask for pronouns we’re asking about gender identity, and we’re not. Pronouns are not synonymous with gender. What we’re really doing is respecting people and how they want to be referred to. Notice in the above example, the word “gender” appears zero times because that’s not what this is about. When students understand that I don’t want to make assumptions about them, it tends to make more sense.

Asking for pronouns does not just benefit transgender, non-binary, and gender non-conforming students. It benefits cisgender students as well because they learn the importance of a) not making assumptions about people based on their name or appearance and b) normalizing the practice of asking for pronouns. You can absolutely have conversations about not making assumptions with young kids and teach about personal pronouns.

I hope this is helpful! This article from MyPronouns.org was super helpful for me as I was developing the language for the above statement, and it might be helpful for you too! I’d also encourage this conversation with your staff members as well. Adults should learn why this is important too.

Quick Guide to Gender and Sexuality Alliances

You will work in a school that has LGBTQ+ students. It’s a fact. It’s also a fact that students who identify as LGBTQ+ often have a more difficult school experience than their heterosexual peers. According to GLSEN’s School Climate Report, 70% of LGBTQ+ students experience verbal harassment at school based on sexual orientation, 59% are bullied because of their gender expression, and 53% are verbally harassed because of their gender. It is no surprise, then, that hostile school climates negatively affect LGBTQ+ students’ mental health. Over 34% of LGBTQ+ students reported skipping at least one day of school due to bullying and harassment. 

Background on GSAs

Students who identify as LGBTQ+ deserve to feel safe and included at school. That’s why Gender and Sexuality Alliances (GSAs) are so important. Formerly known as Gay-Straight Alliances, GSAs were formally created in 1998 by the GSA Network in California. The name changed in 2016 to “acknowledge the ways in which LGBTQ+ young people already understand their sexualities beyond ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ and that their genders are not confined to a binary" (GSA Network). The purpose of a GSA is to empower and train LGBTQ+ and allied students to advocate for and organize healthier school communities. It also provides students with a safe space to meet and just be themselves. GSAs are most commonly found in high schools, but there is a growing movement to bring the club to middle schools and even elementary schools.  

Research has shown that GSAs have a very positive impact on not just LGBTQ+ students, but the whole school as well. Students who attend a school with a GSA are less likely to feel unsafe because of their sexual orientation (61% vs 68%) and/or their gender expression (38% vs. 43%). The presence of a GSA can also help lower suicidal thoughts in LGBTQ+ students (one study reported that the odds were up to 70% lower) and decrease homophobic victimization. Heterosexual students who may not fit in within the traditional gender binary benefit from GSAs because they also experience a decrease in bullying based on physical/personal expression. 

While a reduction in bullying and suicidal thoughts are critical, GSAs also play a large role on student self-image. LGBTQ+ students report a more positive self-image and stronger peer relationships if they attend a school with a GSA. Students also report a greater sense of belonging when a school has a GSA. Since teachers are advisors of GSAs and others participate in activities, students are able to identify “safe adults” that they can turn to if needed. It should be noted that if an LGBTQ+ student is able to identify at least one supportive adult at school, they have a higher grade-point average and increased school attendance. 

Getting Started

It is super important to note that most schools CANNOT ban a GSA from forming. This is due to the Federal Equal Access Act of 1984, which states that any school that receives government funding and has at least one other non-curricular club must allow a GSA. This act also ensures GSAs get the same resources (access to funding, space, etc.) as any other club. Unfortunately, if a school does not receive federal funding, they are exempt from this following this act.

Here are a couple of tips for starting a GSA at your school:

• Educate yourself about LGBTQ+ identities so you can be an effective ally. Advisors of GSAs must be willing to advocate for students and speak out against injustices.

  • Guide to Being an Ally for LGBT Students

• Request to form a GSA as you would any other club at the school. 

  • If an administrator tells you the club can’t be focused on LGBTQ+ issues, requires permission slips when no other club does, or prevents the group from making announcements, remind them of the Equal Access Act and contact the ACLU if needed.

• Advertise and hold your meetings!

  • Check out the following advisor guides to help get started:

    • GSA Network Advisor Guide

    • GLSEN’s Jumpstart Guide

    • GSA Kit from Canada’s Centre for Gender and Sexual Diversity

Meeting Ideas and Activities

There are three main types of GSAs: Education, Advocacy, and Social. Most GSAs are a mix of all three, but some choose to focus on one area over the others. It is important to note that students should be running the GSA meetings (especially at the high school level). Therefore, it is helpful to elect an advisory board of 2-3 students. However, GSAs at the middle school level tend to require a little more structure/adult guidance. So, while the meetings and activities should be majority student influence, it is totally acceptable for the teacher to actually run the middle school meetings. 

Here are some different ideas and activities you can do with your GSA:

• Icebreakers and identity builders (at the beginning of each meeting)

  • These are so important to help students get to know each other and feel more comfortable in the space

• Draft a community agreement/mission statement

  • This helps provide a purpose for the GSA and establish ground rules for acceptable/not acceptable behavior

    • Writing a Mission Statement

• Provide time (10-15 minutes) for students to vent/share about their day

  • You can start with simple questions to help get the discussion going or allow students to choose what to talk about. 

    • Guidelines for Respectful GSA Discussions

• Host a Pride Spirit Day

  • Choose a day and advertise that students should wear rainbow or their flag colors

• Invite guest speakers from the LGBTQ+ community to talk to students

  • Check out your community’s advocacy group or reach out to a larger, national organization (GLSEN, Trevor Project, etc.).

• Celebrate days of significance (Transgender Day of Rememberance, National Coming Out Day, etc.)

  • Find more days in this activity guide and from GLSEN’s calendar

• Watch a movie with LGBTQ+ themes

  • Frameline provides free movies and discussion guides thanks to their Youth in Motion program 

  • GLSEN also created a Love, Simon discussion guide for high school GSAs

• Host a book club centered around an LGBTQ+-themed novel or short story

  • Check out Lambda Literary’s LGBTQ Writers in Schools program (Note: only available to NYC schools at this time, but they are looking to expand)

  • Goodreads also has online book clubs 

  • Ask your school’s librarian for advice on LGBTQ+ book recs, or collaborate with your public library

This is honestly just a small list of suggestions to get you started. There are so many more activities and ideas out there. GLSEN has an entire resource list with ideas and activities, and it’s also good to connect with other GSAs in your school district. 

Personal Reflection

Free to Be, my school’s GSA, has existed for half a year, but I am so thrilled with the response we got in that short amount of time. The group mostly consists of 7th and 8th graders, but we do have one 6th grader too. All clubs require permission slips since students are staying after school, so this limited some students from attending, but we averaged about 7-11 kids per meeting. The kids were definitely shy at first, but the ice breakers really helped them get to know each other. After two months, it was not uncommon to see them all walking together in the hallway or hanging out after school. They really built some epic relationships, and it was nice to know they trusted the space they had created in my classroom. 

My best personal advice is not to underestimate students. I learned quickly that mine are extremely well-versed in all things LGBTQ+, and they have opinions about what’s going on in the world (we had a very interesting discussion about Chick-fil-A during our one of our open group times). Let them take the lead with activities and projects, but don’t be afraid to set boundaries.

I wish you all the best with your GSA!

Advocating for Gender Neutral Bathrooms

Public bathrooms can be a very stressful experience for transgender and gender non-conforming students. About 66% of students will often avoid drinking water throughout the day so they don’t have to use public bathrooms altogether, which can lead to drastic health impacts. According to the 2015 US Transgender Survey, 8% of trans Americans reported UTI and other kidney-related problems related to avoiding the bathroom.

Source: iStock

One way to make going to the bathroom a less stressful experience is to have gender neutral bathrooms available for all students. There are two different types of gender neutral bathrooms. The first is a single-user bathroom, and the second is a multi-user bathroom with completely private stalls (no gaps, doors come almost all the way to the floor). In many cases, converting multi-user bathrooms into gender neutral bathrooms only requires closing the gap between the door and stall and possibly extending the door. Unfortunately, this costs money, and schools often do not have a flexible budget when it comes to making cosmetic changes to the building. 

At the school level, single-user bathrooms are the most common. There should not be one gender neutral bathroom that is specifically meant for transgender students. This is discriminatory. Students should also not be forced to use these bathrooms. In an ideal world, students should be allowed to use bathrooms that align with their gender identities. Unfortunately, many barriers exist (read more at the end of this post) where this often cannot happen, and some students would prefer more private environments. So, single-user gender neutral bathrooms are the most ideal. 

In all the research I did for this post, I didn’t find many examples where schools had multi-user gender neutral bathrooms. Gender Spectrum touched on this a bit in their FAQ about bathroom use, and there is an example of a Kansas school district that has enacted multi-user gender neutral bathrooms.

Advocating for Gender Neutral Bathrooms in Schools:

• If there are any single occupant bathrooms, ask that they immediately be labeled as gender neutral. The signs should avoid using male and female figures since those rare not inclusive of non-binary identities.  

  • Since only one person is allowed to use it at a time, no internal/structural changes need to be made.

  • You could cite Vermont’s law that requires all single occupancy bathrooms to be gender neutral. 

  • OR New York City’s mayoral order that requires access to gender neutral bathrooms.

    • They also have a great Myth vs Fact sheet.

• Encourage your school board to budget for adding single occupant gender neutral bathrooms when renovating schools, or when creating new buildings. 

• Encourage your administration and school board to budget for converting staff multi-stall bathrooms to gender neutral bathrooms.

  • You can cite OSHA’s Best Practices Guide, where they actually state that employers should consider gender neutral bathrooms for employees.

• Contact your local representatives and encourage them to consider making gender neutral bathrooms in schools a law. 

Advocating for gender neutral bathrooms is so important! You can also support students by getting rid of gendered bathroom passes and avoid binary language when talking about restroom procedures (i.e. avoid saying “boys room” and “girls room”). 

Additional Learning

Where did trans bathroom hysteria--the idea that “men will disguise themselves as trans women to sneak into women’s bathrooms and sexually assault women”-- even start? It wasn’t in 2016 when North Carolina tried (and failed) to pass legislation prohibiting transgender people from using bathrooms that align with their gender identity in schools and government buildings. It also wasn’t in 2017 when the Trump administration rolled back guidance on the exact same issue.

This particular phenomenon began in 2015 in Houston, Texas. The Houston Equal Rights Ordinance (HERO), a non-discrimination policy that included the LGBTQ+ community, had a referendum on the ballot. Conservatives argued that businesses should be able to discriminate against LGBTQ+ people due to religious values. They began campaigning that HERO would allow men to legally enter a women’s restroom and assault patrons because he had the right “to identify as a female.” They argued this would quickly trickle down to the school level, and cited a 2013 incident that was later proven to be completely false. Unfortunately, these scare tactics worked, and HERO was rejected by voters. Many states saw this is a success and began using bathrooms to advocate for anti-discrimination policies. 

Friends, trans bathroom hysteria is a myth. According to Media Matters, 12 states and 17 school districts with non-discriminatory policies confirmed they had no issues of sexual assault in bathrooms. Does this mean that men never sneak into restrooms to assault women? No. However, these incidents were not caused by the implementation of the non-discrimination policies. 

Let’s end this on a happy note, shall we? After four long years, Gavin Grimm recently won his court case against Gloucester County School Board. The school board required Grimm (a transgender male) to use the women’s restrooms or private bathrooms. The judge ruled that it was obvious discrimination and that Grimm’s rights were violated under Title IX. This ruling could potentially have an impact on discrimination cases that are pending in the surrounding states of Maryland, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia. While discriminatory policies still exist in schools across the U.S., it's really nice to see the victories and know that there’s hope for the future.

Teach Students to Value Platonic Relationships

My students know I live with my best friend, Gabriele (or Ms. Miller to them). In fact, I usually share this fact with them during the first week of school. We’ve been living together for six years, we sometimes go on vacation together, and I’ve pretty much been adopted into her family. If my students ask me what I did over the weekend, my stories almost always start out with, “Gabriele and I…” or “Gabriele, our friends, and I…” She’s also the reason my school now has an Anime Club (run by me) because she got me hooked on it. Gabriele is an integral part of my life (probably one of my strongest platonic relationships), so it’s logical for me to tell my students about her. 

Source: Freepik

Right away, the kids usually snicker, and one or two is brave enough to ask me if we’re dating. When I explain that no, we’re not, they get so confused. Whenever I ask them to elaborate on their confusion, I always get some variation of this answer: To them, living together automatically equates to a romantic/sexual relationship. They truly do not understand how I can live with my best friend as an adult.

Let’s reflect on this for a second.

Society is constantly sending us messages about what is considered “normal.” It’s normal to get married and have kids. Sex is a normal part of a relationship. It’s normal to eventually live with your romantic/sexual partner. 

I identify as aromantic/asexual flux. For me, this means that I do not ever experience sexual attraction, and there are times in my life (right now, for instance) where I do not experience romantic attraction either. By society’s standards, I am not “normal” at all. Because of this, I spent most of my adolescent life feeling like I was broken and that something was wrong with me. I was constantly told that I would never find someone who wasn’t interested in physical intimacy. My platonic friendships were never valued as much as the romantic/sexual ones I never wanted. 

It is estimated that 1% of the world population identifies somewhere on the aromantic/asexual spectrums. If you look at our current world population (7.53 billion), that’s at least 75 million people! And that’s just an estimate; the actual number is probably higher because many people still don’t even know those identities even exist (they’re not called “invisible orientations” for nothing). That’s a whole lot of people who develop relationships in ways that seem unconventional by society’s standards. 

It also doesn’t help that the media reinforces these standards. More than 2/3 of the content in television is sexual in nature, but portrayals/discussions of safe, consentual sex are rare. In a study that examined over 1,000 top 40 songs from 1960-2010, it was revealed that sexual and romantic themes dominated the charts. In fact, the amount of sexually explicit lyrics has actually risen since 1960. Did you know that 27% of video games (rated T and up) contain sexual themes? These are all forms of media are students are exposed to every single day. 

Many of these portrayed relationships also tend to be heterosexual. While there has been more LGBTQ+ representation, especially in TV (8.8% of 857 series regular broadcasts had LGBTQ+ representation), most of these relationships are still stuck in old stereotypes/binaries. Asexual and aromantic representation is also extremely rare. Todd Chavez from BoJack Horseman is probably one of the most prominent, confirmed asexual characters on TV right now. Jughead Jones from the Archie comics is canonically aro/ace, but Riverdale erased his character’s asexuality on the show. We deserve better representation.

I tried to find statistics and data about platonic relationships in media, but I couldn’t. That doesn’t mean platonic relationships in media don’t exist. However, I would argue that there are not nearly as many forms of media where platonic relationships are the sole focus/theme. Plus, when there is a friendship, it tends to eventually turn into a romance (because guys/girls/people can’t just be friends, apparently). 

Let’s zoom in a little bit on the school environment. Whether we realize it or not, we are unconsciously sending our students messages about societal “norms.” Think about the texts students read...how often is romance a driving force in the plot? How many teachers do you know that sit students next to each other because “they’d be cute together” or “they’re totally crushing on each other”? We often make observations about students who are dating, but when do we put that same attention on student friendships? Sidenote: We really should stop trying to set students up. It’s not appropriate and forces students into a box (that tends to be entrenched in the gender binary).

It’s interesting because in elementary school, there is such a focus on building positive relationships and friendships. Why do these lessons need to disappear in middle and high school? When are we teaching students how to really develop and maintain platonic relationships? They require work and emotional energy just like romantic/sexual relationships do (albeit in slightly different ways). 

I think we are doing our students a massive disservice when we leave platonic relationships out of the conversation. First of all, students need to understand that platonic relationships hold just as much value as sexual/romantic ones (check out this incredible story about a platonic relationship). They also deserve to know that only wanting platonic relationships is okay and valid. 

Teaching Students to Value Platonic Relationships

Below are some ideas and suggestions on how to talk to students about friendships and platonic relationships. I want to give a massive shoutout to Mx. Tooley for their help in finding these articles and lessons.

• Talk to students about friendship.

  • Students should understand what it means to be a friend and how they can make/keep friends. 

  • Resource: Teaching Tolerance lesson → Friendship Without Barriers

• Discuss diversity in friendships.

  • It is important that students understand they can learn so much from those who are different from them. Diversity is extremely valuable in friendship.

  • Resources: Teaching Tolerance learning/lesson plans → Friendships in Diversity, Our Groups of Friends

• Examine cliques.

  • Cliques are found in every school. However, students can miss out on valuable friendships when they limit themselves to these cliques. It’s important for students to form relationships across these groups.

  • Resource: Teaching Tolerance lesson → Cliques in Schools

• Discuss gender stereotypes and gender representation in the media.

  • Part of the problem with our view of platonic relationships is how stereotyped gender is in the media. Students should learn to observe these interactions with a critical eye and work to dismantle their own ideas about what gender and friendships “should” look like.

  • Resources: Teaching Tolerance lessons → What are Gender Stereotypes?, Gender Representation in the Media

• Make sure students understand the difference between romantic, sexual, and platonic relationships.

  • Students should understand the difference between these three relationships. You can also take time to discuss healthy boundaries within each of these types of relationships.

  • Resource: Advocates for Youth lesson → More Than Friends: Understanding Romantic Relationships

• Ensure that aromantic/asexual identities are part of the discussion.

  • We often talk about LGBT identities, but the QIAA+ ones tend to be ignored. Understanding the vocabulary is so critical because students may realize they relate to these terms. 

  • Resource: GLAAD Explore the Spectrum

I encourage you to look for more resources/texts/examples that show platonic relationships. Let’s start shifting the mindset that only romantic/sexual relationships are valuable

Creating LGBTQ+ Inclusive Classrooms

It’s hard to believe it, but for some, back to school is already around the corner! As we prepare to set up our rooms and routines, it is important to consider how we can make our classes inclusive for LGBTQ+ students. Creating an inclusive classroom does not need to be a big or massive production. You don’t need to buy a fancy curriculum or do a complete overhaul of what you’re currently implementing. Many of the ideas I’m going to share are simple changes that can be made quickly and easily. 

Source: Freepik

Educate Yourself

First and foremost, education is a really powerful tool. It is important to understand the vocabulary and terms that exist within the LGBTQ+ community (asexual, pansexual, etc.), as well as the ones society reinforces (i.e. the gender binary). I am not telling you to memorize every single term. However, I am encouraging you to seek out these terms and at least become familiar with them. 

Joe Tong is in the process of releasing his animated series #100daysofqueer. He is taking terms from QMUNITY’s Queer Terminology publication and creating helpful animations that break down and define those terms. Check out the series on his Instagram page. These would be great to share out to your staff/co-workers in a daily email.

Get Rid of Gendered Language

Phrases like “boys and girls,” “you guys,” or “ladies and gentlemen” are so common in classrooms. According to GLSEN’s report on Trasngender Youth in American Schools, it is estimated that 150,000 students between the ages of 13 and 17 identify as transgender or gender non-conforming. Therefore, many students do not fit neatly into the gender labels we so often use in class. Using gendered language can subtly alienate students, so we should work to avoid using these phrases. 

Try these instead:

• Everyone

• Students

• Learners

• Name of your school’s mascot (i.e. Cougars)

• Scientists/Mathematicians/Readers

It will definitely take some practice, and you’ll probably mess up (I still do sometimes). Spend the rest of the summer using gender neutral language in everyday conversations. If you mess up in front of students, self-correct with a gender neutral phrase and move on. Practice makes perfect!

Be Mindful of How You Sort/Group Students

When you assign student seats, do you alternate boys and girls? When you divide the class for an activity, do you have boys go to the one side of the room and girls to the other? 

Again, when we ask students to put themselves into a male/female box, we reinforce the gender binary and tell them they have to choose one or the other. Consider other ways you can group students.

Ask for Student Pronouns...

We shouldn’t assume someone’s gender identity based on how they look or act. It is so important to normalize asking for pronouns so students learn not to make those assumptions too. You can do this by adding a section on your “Get to Know You” sheets that you hand out during the first week of school. If you aren’t doing something like this already, I highly recommend it. You can learn so much about your students through these sheets.

...But Don’t Force Them to Share Their Pronouns Publicly

I am comfortable in my identity. However, when I first started using they/them pronouns, it made me very anxious to announce that in a room full of people because more often than not, I was the only non-binary person in the room. It automatically made me “different.” Imagine that same scenario for a college student. A high school student. A middle school student. Some students are not ready to announce their pronouns, and subsequently, their identities, to the class. And we need to be mindful of this. 

Let’s go back to the “Get to Know You” sheet. When you ask for student pronouns, you can add these follow-up questions:

• May I use your pronouns in front of other students? Yes/No

• May I use your pronouns when I contact home? Yes/No

• May I use your pronouns when I talk to other teachers? Yes/No

• Would you like to follow up with me about any of the information you’ve given? Yes/No (or give them a space to write)

When you frame it like this, you give students so much power and autonomy over their identities. You also allow them to tell you their comfort level with their pronouns. Some students may be ready for their peers to know but not their families/caregivers. 

I highly recommend checking out @teachlikeagirl’s post about creating name plates. She discusses a subtle, inclusive way for students to opt in (or out) when it comes to visibly sharing their pronouns. You can also read more about this topic here.

Include LGBTQ+ Stories in Your Classroom Libraries

Books are windows, mirrors, and doors for our students. They need to be able to see themselves as well as others who are different from them in the texts they read. If you are unable to purchase books for your own classroom library, try and work with your school library to include more LGBTQ+ titles.

It is super important to note that these books should not be labeled “LGBTQ+” or placed in a special LGBTQ+ section. These stories exist within every genre and should not be singled out. 

Here are LGBTQ+ book lists I created to help get you started:

• Elementary School

• Middle School

• High School

• Bilingual

These lists are definitely not comprehensive. Check out your local libraries and see what LGBTQ+ titles they have in their collections. You can borrow them for your classroom too! Gender Inclusive Classrooms also has a phenomenal book list for grades K-5.

Incorporate LGBTQ+ Themes Across Contents

Incorporating LGBTQ+ themes and ideas into your curriculum doesn’t need to be a big or difficult task. In fact, many content areas naturally lend themselves to this integration. 

I hosted an Instagram series where I posted suggestions about how to incorporate LGBTQ+ narratives in different content areas. I encouraged others to comment with what they do in their own classes, and the response was amazing! I learned so much and have new ideas on how I can incorporate more this year.

Check them out here:

• Math

• Social Studies

• English Language Arts

• Science

• Art

• Foreign Language

• Music

Stop Bullying in Its Tracks

LGBTQ+ students experience significantly more bullying compared to their heterosexual peers. Approximately 70% of students are bullied because of their sexual orientation (HRC) and 66% of students heard phrases like “that’s so gay” being used negatively in classrooms (GLSEN). 

I cannot stress enough how important it is to stop bullying behavior as soon as it starts. However, you need to make students part of the process. Simply telling a student, “Don’t say that” isn’t enough. This does nothing to explain to the student why what they’re saying is wrong. When students understand the “why” and learn to develop empathy, they are less likely to engage in these behaviors. 

When you hear homophobic remarks, follow these four steps (adapted from Julie Olsen Edwards):

1. Find out what students think

   • Listen, ask questions, pay attention to ideas 

     • Why did they say it? What were they trying to accomplish?

   • Let students know they’ve been heard

2. Tell the truth

   • Give accurate information and check to see what students are thinking/feeling/understanding

     • Do students understand why the phrase is harmful? Do they understand what their words mean?

   • Phrase it in terms of justice/injustice 

     • Why was the statement fair/unfair?

3. State the justice issue

   • What is kind/hurtful? How do we know?

4. Speak your values

   • “In this classroom we don’t use that phrase because…”

This definitely isn’t a comprehensive list of every possible thing you can do to create an inclusive classroom for LGBTQ+ students, but it is an awesome start. I would also like to take a second to acknowledge the privilege some educators may have over others. Unfortunately, support for LGBTQ+ students is not equal in many areas. I am fortunate to be able to implement all of these strategies in my classroom, but I know that is not the case for every teacher. I promise, even if you are only able to implement one or two of these ideas, you are making a difference. 

While this blog post focuses specifically on LGBTQ+ inclusive classrooms, it is important to remember that there are many other ways to create safe and inclusive classrooms for all students. Check out these additional resources below!

• Jillian Starr’s podcasts on ADD/ADHD and Safe Learning Environments

• Mx. Tooley’s lessons on building community during the first twelve days of school

• Liz Kleinrock’s lesson on teaching students about consent and boundaries

• Teaching Tolerance’s lessons on bullying and bias

Quick Guide to Singular "They"

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in the HR office at the Board of Education, discussing my transition plan for this upcoming school year. The meeting was going super well, and we were just about finished the discussion. The last item on the list: pronouns.

“Can you explain they/them pronouns to me?” an HR person asked. “I’m just so used to thinking of it as a plural and not a singular.”

The truth is, she’s not the first person I’ve encountered who’s said the exact same thing. Whenever I explain that I use they/them pronouns, people always push back with the idea that they is meant to be plural. While it’s typically seen as a plural pronoun, it can be used as a singular and has been for hundreds of years.

The singular use of they has existed in written text since 1375, when the medieval poem William the Werewolf was published. The English translation reads: “Each man hurried . . . till they drew near . . . where William and his darling were lying together.” In this example, each man is singular, therefore, they is singular since it refers back to man. Spoken language was still a main form of communication during this time (printing wasn’t done in mass production until the mid-1400’s), so chances are singular they was also used in oral communication well before William and the Werewolf came out. 

Society tends to think of the world in terms of the gender binary (male and female). To identify as non-binary means to identify as neither male or female. There are some nuiances to identifying as non-binary, but that is the general definition. Many who identify as non-binary use they/them pronouns since they don’t prescribe to the gender binary.

But why did singular they fall out of style? Apparently, in the 18th century, “grammarians began warning that singular they was an error because a plural pronouns can’t take a singular antecedent.” This is pretty hypocritical since you has been used as a plural pronoun--though more commonly used as a singular--literally just as long and is still used as such today. 

Let’s go back to my HR meeting. I always use this example because it’s one most people have probably said themselves:

“So we actually use singular they all the time. Let’s say you’re at a restaurant and someone leaves car keys on the table. You’d say, ‘Someone left their keys here’ because you don’t know their gender.”

At this point in the meeting, my union rep started laughing. “Oh my god!” he practically gasped. “I do that all the time!”

I love the moment after I give this explanation because about 95% of the time, I can literally see the lightbulb going off above people’s heads. We don’t realize we use singular they because we never really think about it (or have to think about it). But, once we do, we realize it’s more commonplace than we thought. 

So, the argument that they is not a valid pronoun for those who identify as non-binary is quite non-existant. It’s been used as a singular throughout history, and we still use it today. I know it can take some time to get used to, but it’s important to remember that practice makes perfect. 

Tips for Using Singular They/Them:

Understand How it Translates:

• They replaces he/she 

  • He/She has a dog named Thor. → They have a dog named Thor.

• Them replaces him/her

  • That book belongs to her/him. → That book belongs to them.

• Their(s) replaces his/her(s)

  • Wonder Woman is his/her favorite superhero. → Wonder Woman is their favorite superhero. 

Think About How it Sounds:

As with many aspects of grammar, if you’re not using the correct form, it will sound/look a little off. For example, it can be really easy to get tripped up when replacing hers or her. Say the following sentences out loud and listen to what happens when you use the wrong form of they.

That book belongs to her. → That book belongs to their. 

That book is hers. → That book is thems. 

Sounds a bit off, right?

Practice, Practice, Practice:

Pick a pillow, stuffed animal, or other inanimate object. Whenever you refer to it, use they/them pronouns. Make it a point to refer to it often so you can practice more. If you mess up, correct yourself and repeat the sentence.  As you use they/them more, it becomes easier to replace the different forms of he/she.

I hope this information is helpful for you! What other questions do you have about they/them pronouns? Feel free to leave a comment and let me know!